baby's first ball-gag

there seems to be a glut (yukyuk) of stupid child products ive have the pleasure of learning about in the last few days.

first one is the binky buddy. the general idea is, if your baby cries because it's binky fell out of it's mouth, make the fuck sure that sucker stays right in there. because there's nothing a baby couldnt be crying about that isnt worth getting something artificial shoved in it's mouth. with the exception of the use in the baby bjorn (in video) the whole point of this product seems to be to keep the baby quiet and "happy" with minimal parental involvement.

in the "about us," we are informed the binky buddy was originally designed by NICU nurses, in an attempt, i suppose, to give it some legitimacy. but think about it. nicu babies, with all their wires and tubes and machines, with no other comfort than a binkie. a few nurses in charge of several babies without the time to give them the personal touch and comfort. it is heartbreaking (i dont suggest doing a google image search without a box of tissues). and that's the tenor you want to give to your parenting? this, besides the fact kangaroo care has been show to give better outcomes for premie babies and their parents. but why attach, when you can detach, eh?

from the site, bolded for emphasis:

It provides a soft and cuddly extension to the pacifier which helps the baby independently retrieve the pacifier. The Binky Buddy keeps the pacifier from falling away when not in use which allows the baby to retrieve the pacifier without parental assistance when wanted. Both parent and baby feel proud when baby maneuvers their head in order to retrieve pacifier all on their own.

hell, why not get your 3 month old a job at the local fast food joint while you're at it, they can start paying rent. the only "soft and cuddly extension" a young baby needs is it's parents' arms and mom's boob. but why do that when you can strap on junior's ball-gag, close the door and VOILA, your baby is "sleeping through the night" and you can pat yourself on the back for being such a doubleplus good parent.

and RLY? you're "proud" when your baby moves zur head to reach the pacifer? proud of what? your laziness? proud your child has realised mom and dad cant be buggered to do the most minor task of retrieving an errent binkie? and the baby is proud? really? i call BS. my boys, for all their high suck needs, gave me nothing but looks of incredulity when i had the gall to attempt using an artificial nipple (there's a reason some countries call them "dummies.") on them. and if youtube is any proof, and it will be for me, crying babies dont want to be pacified, they want to be held and loved and fed. but nope, it's shut up time for you!

the next piece, is spain's bebe gluton, a mechanical doll specifically for nursing play. im not going to get into the whole "boobies are gross unless they are selling beer" and "this will sexualise young girls" or "this puts feminism back 150 years" wank.

sorry for the image cut off. click to see full.


im going to pick some nits instead. what's that in the baby's hand? why is a breastfeeding baby given a pacifier (does it need a binkie buddy?), which can cause nipple confusion and can otherwise hamper a breastfeeding relationship? and the picture second from the left (next to the one where the girl is holding two. hell, i gotta give some props for tandem/twin nursing), is that a bottle? that's the classic holding something to the baby's mouth pose. so nursing is good, but only with supplementation? argh!!!!!!

for children who with play nurse their dolls, do they need one specifically for it? this doll is a one-way, one-use, one-function. what's with companies sticking batteries in things that otherwise dont need them? it's not the baby that's the glutton, it's toy companies, alway looking for something to separate parents from their money by creating some useless piece of trash that will be forgotten in a month. let your child nurse their teddy bears, trains, cars, buzz lightyears or baby dolls. if you want to promote breastfeeding, nurse your children early and often. point out nursing when you see it, even if it's other animals - we like looking for nursing at the zoo or the local farm. read nursing-friendly picture books. i particularly get a kick out of finding birth-positive, pro-nursing passages in adult fiction.